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Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

This video’s a little older yet I’ll bet modern t.p. manufacturing methods are remarkably similar. If nothing else, it’s strangely relaxing to watch.

My grandma, who grew up in the Midwest during the Depression, said that the Sears Roebuck catalog was something you ordered from, read voraciously, and wiped with. Yep, it hung on a hook in the corner of the outhouse. When you were done reading it, you cleaned with it.

This man says that he’s solved America’s toilet paper crisis…

What do you know… Grandma would be tickled pink to know the toilet paper of 80-some years ago is making a comeback.

***BIG CAUTION!!*** Please do not flush anything other than human waste and regular store-bought toilet paper. Even though wipes and other products marketed as flushable may go down the toilet, they do not break down like toilet paper. This can and does cause sewer backups, which are especially unsanitary considering that COVID-19 can live in feces. We don’t need this virus erupting onto our lawns and streets, then draining into our streams, ponds, and lakes. Most storm drains do not go to a treatment plant, but directly into our waterways.

You can read more about the dangers of wipes in my older posts, Those Wascally Wipes and The Truth About Wipes.

Just before I posted this, I found that The Moron Brothers, a bluegrass comedy duo from Kentucky, has come out with yet another hilarious social commentary– and it mentions the Sears catalog!

Success is like toilet paper, it only seems important when you don’t have it.

Richard Jeni

©2020 H. Hiatt/wildninjablog.com. All articles/posts on this blog are copyrighted original material that may not be reproduced in part or whole in any electronic or printed medium without prior permission from H. Hiatt/wildninjablog.com.

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Keeping your sense of humor is important in such times, yes? Oh yes. This is why one Alfred Matthew Yankovic’s insights and creativity are so necessary right now. I was nodding off last night when I happened to turn on the second video and then almost fell off the furniture laughing.

Please do not taking the gargling suggestion in this PSA seriously

Dark humor is sometimes criticized as inappropriate, especially during crises. But as the Washington Post just said, where there’s humor, there’s hope. We all know that it’s critical to practice social distancing and wash our hands right now (believe me, you WILL wash your hands after watching the second video!). We all know people who are suffering and many are going out of their way to help them.

As we come together and find ways to assist our friends and neighbors, dark humor is one way we connect. It brings us together regardless of our politics and religion. It’s a coping mechanism. It’s a relief valve. This type of humor is particularly prevalent among essential personnel in public service. Given the demands of those jobs and the sometimes gruesome, graphic nature of the work, it’s natural to seek levity from within the gravity. Dark humor has been utilized this way for hundreds if not thousands of years, especially in the days before running water and antibiotics.

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Laughing about the precautions we have to take, the nationwide disappearance of toilet paper, and the black market activity is better than panicking or going medieval on others. Already there have been upticks in incidences of domestic violence while people are forced to stay home, which is a great reason to have the National Domestic Violence Hotline number handy, 1-800-799-7233. This is one page keeping tabs on the rise in DV during quarantine.

These are strange times, times in which a Wiggles song could save an entire species. Did you know that 30 percent of Americans don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom? Did you know that there are bathrooms in grocery stores and people squeeze the avocados to select the most suitable candidate after using the bathroom? Can it not be deduced, then, that 30 percent of avocados… you see where this is going. In a slight modification of the old Sunday School song, wash your hands, all you people.

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From Forbes

The rise of zombie shopping is real. I saw this near Seattle the other night. A woman with a mask was erratically pushing an overflowing cart around the grocery store, sweeping quantities of canned goods off of the shelves into the cart with one arm. Her eyes were fixed. She had no situational awareness and almost ran into me about four times. It’s possible that she was ill and anxiety is a literal hell of a struggle for many people. I pray that she finds peace, support, love. This fear and oblivion, however legitimate, has created safety and supply issues for the rest of us as people become more desperate.

Disaster psychology has long fascinated me. I have been greatly concerned about how the Seattle area will respond in a crisis because it has become so politically polarized. It’s a fair question to ask if people of all walks will be able to work together when the going gets tough. We’re doing well enough, although a power outage or earthquake would push people over the edge. Three days without water will motivate humans to kill other humans.

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From Patch.com Texas

I’ve seen some beautiful acts so far, like people organizing to help the elderly and healthcare providers. In the era of the Seattle Freeze, some are talking to each other more and saying hi. I’ve also seen the ugly side, people yelling at cashiers for “not doing enough to keep the store shelves stocked” and pushing in front of others to grab large quantities of coveted groceries. I said it in another post, that this is the first time in my life I felt myself verging on orange while walking to the cash register with a 12-pack of toilet paper.

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I was asked today if everyone around here is dressing like they’re in Mad Max yet. I had to admit that I’ve been wearing my most outlandish socks to work since we locked our doors to the public. Maybe I’ll break out the motorcycle jacket and spiked choker next week. Here again… humor is helping us navigate this temporary journey through the Straits of Messina. Humor is what’s helping people give us new and exciting strategies to foam up our phalanges.

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A great many people are struggling with the closure of restaurants, gyms, salons, and the usual gathering places right now. Social distancing– staying six feet away among other things– is hard for those who like close personal contact. But some introverts, who may not frequent such places anyway and don’t like being touched except by their inner circle, are enjoying the break. Yes, there are many other stressors, but you’re less likely to have someone you hardly know reach for your shoulders to massage them as if that somehow equates to “hello.”

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From 7newscom.au

Some locals are struggling with boredom since entertainment venues are closed, but if you’re into history or genealogy, there is no such thing. You always have a stack of projects on the coffee table, mysteries to solve, projects to research, and four lifetimes isn’t nearly enough to accomplish it all. So having meetings and events cancelled disrupts our routine, yet it can also be precious time to indulge our passions. Or stand in a forest. Or make phone calls to the older people we can’t go see. It’s time we can use for the greater good, to spread knowledge and caring.

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When this meme was circulating on Valentine’s Day, we didn’t know that a month later eco-friendly shopping bags would be banned from stores, individually wrapped white plastic forks would reappear, and we’d be giving up church for Lent. The other day I was pondering how dating works right now… amongst those who care about social distancing, anyway. My thought pattern veered this direction:

Swipe right.

“Hi! I can’t see the rest of your face because of that mask, but you have beautiful eyes. Would you like to go… go… out for coffee see a movie go swing dancing grab a beer meet up at the waterfront?”

Boy and girl arrive at waterfront. They maintain a ten-foot distance as they decide how to approach each other, awkwardly shifting weight from one foot to the other. They eventually sit down on either side of a public bench.

“So… what’s new this week?” she asks, realizing how ridiculous the question sounds given the radical shift in societal norms.

“Well,” he says, “I found some dish soap and crackers that’ll last me for a while, so that’s good. I took my dog to the park and not many people were there.”

“Great,” she giggles. “Now I know who to go to when I need some crackers for my soup.”

An uncomfortable silence ensues as she wonders how he’d look with a proper haircut. He’d like to slide closer, but she could be a carrier. She’s also a teacher. She wouldn’t mind being able to look him in the eyes a bit more to gauge his sincerity. But he said something about working in the medical supply field

Obviously mating rituals vary based upon the individual, and SNL has already portrayed what a sappy soap opera looks like with modern precautions. Some may skip the pomp and pageantry of modern dating and simply say, “You got groceries to find for grandma? Let’s do it.” Married people may either be reminded what annoys them about each other so much or discover strengths they didn’t know their partner had. They may find new ways to connect or realize that they don’t interface so well at prolonged close range. (3/22/20: Aish.com has published these tips on making marriage work during this time.)

Relationships during emergencies may either become very complicated or very practical. You find out what people are made of at times like this. You learn if the object of your desire really is the person you want to kick it with during the apocalypse. Will they stand by you as everything else falls apart or are they primarily focused on their own well-being? Do they accept you at your most unkempt and vulnerable? Do they engage in honest communication and mutually problem solve or just freak out? I hope this time serves as a litmus test for those who haven’t gotten hitched yet.

From Diply.com

There will likely be a Christmastime baby boom this year and a rise in the divorce rate is also predicted. We live in a weird paradox where we’re expected to stay close together at home but far apart in public at the same time. Its effect on human relationships is intriguing. I am both perplexed and fascinated by people tending to stay at a reasonable distance while shopping but then clumping up in the checkout line. I don’t like when someone’s breathing on my neck in the checkout line anyway, so– bonus!– feel even more comfortable asking for a little space now. (Yeah, you, Whole Foods guy with the pile of various flavors of plantain chips.)

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From Distractify

This too shall pass. It is absolutely serious and tragic. We should be doing everything we can to protect the vulnerable and society as a whole. This is a brilliant opportunity to extend charity to others and to get things done in general, so don’t waste it. Find new ways to love people and learn things. It’s possible that Someone larger than ourselves has called a time out, a reset, so that we can take stock of what and who is truly important in our lives.

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From Mama’s Geeky

Despite the lack of social distancing in this video, this renowned youth choir nails it– don’t panic, we’ve got this! By the grace of God and His mercy, we’ve got this.

DO look for the humor in all things no matter how dark the night. Laugh! I could and might write another post on the importance of prayer at this time and gearing up for more serious emergencies. As someone with food allergies whose groceries are limited to begin with, I know what it’s like to have to hunt for groceries at times, even more so now. A strong faith and a wild sense of humor can really take the edge off, though. You can find joy in the chaos and peace in the storm.

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We are laughing in the face of something that’s deadly serious– and that’s healthy. We can work hard to protect ourselves and others, risk our own safety in jobs that serve others, and still laugh. We can avoid cruel jokes about individuals and still guffaw at memes poking fun at the strange things humans do in general. We can still have empathy and marvel over the lemming-like mentalities we can get caught up in. Ultimately, we’re laughing at ourselves.

Vampire cough, people!

It really is times like these…

If you’re robbing a bank and your pants fall down, I think it’s okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.

Jack Handey

P.S. The captions are supposed to be centered… yet a technical issue is foiling some of the justification and fonts. See, life is funny…


©2020 H. Hiatt/wildninjablog.com. All articles/posts on this blog are copyrighted original material that may not be reproduced in part or whole in any electronic or printed medium without prior permission from H. Hiatt/wildninjablog.com.

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Yesterday at the Wallingford Chevron…

But two blocks west at this place…

There are zombies!

Southwest, at the Fremont Vintage Mall, I found it ironic that the second faux patent poster I turned to was for… toilet paper. Toilet paper is a hot commodity in the Puget Sound area due to panic buying.

When I found t.p. at Bartell Drugs, I told the cashier that I was surprised to have made it to the cash register without being mugged. I realized I’d tucked it under my arm and approached the front like a linebacker.

Given that it was Pi Day (thank you to the Archie McPhee employee at the counter proudly wearing a Pi t-shirt), I had to go enjoy part of this pie…

…with this guy. He looked so regal on this stormy day as the boats bobbed in the marina that some special effects were in order.


©2020 H. Hiatt/wildninjablog.com. All articles/posts on this blog are copyrighted original material that may not be reproduced in part or whole in any electronic or printed medium without prior permission from H. Hiatt/wildninjablog.com.

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Today a coworker told me about the Barbie Zombie Apocalypse House in Kirkland. I don’t care much for the undead part of Halloween but often use “zombie apocalypse” as an example of how humans might function in a crisis. People are being turned against each other by politicians at a time when we need to be standing united, meaning that if we have an earthquake, EMP, or other emergency, I’m not confident we’ll help each other survive. The book One Second After delves into this psychology.

This burst of spooky creativity showed Baywatch Ken, Disney princesses, and others rushing headlong (or headless) southward though the autumn leaves.

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Turn on some accompanying epic movie music, and you’ll surely feel the emotion of these bedraggled souls rushing down towards their hapless prisoner.

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Each character showcases a different kind of compulsion, confusion, or torment.

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It appears the Mattel posse has already deprived their captive of its flesh. At the time, I laughed because it was so absurd. But the more I’ve talked about it, I wondered if this was a spontaneous parent-child project, or a statement by a deep soul about our society?

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There are so many places this commentary could go. Are these wayward folks running towards a false god? An example of group think? GMOs gone wrong? Politically, are we forming gangs to devour our fellow citizens instead of finding common ground and working together? Is this what we are becoming, a species that is regressing instead of progressing, turning on each other instead of building each other up, trading beauty and benevolence for blood and brains?

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Part Gulliver’s Travels, part pirate ship… is this what we are doing to our republic right now by allowing ourselves to become more polarized and fractured? Is this what we look like on the inside as we allow various vices in to compensate for pain, emptiness, anxiety? I doubt the artist(s) meant it to be so deep but this whimsical Halloween decoration could stand for so much more.

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This Halloween, as we stand surrounded by tragic news and uncertainty, I hope that as a nation we can focus on what’s right, what benefits all of us, what will keep us together. Otherwise, if we don’t allow freedom of speech, freedom of expression, liberty, life… if we can’t let our neighbors speak their minds even when we disagree with them… we will lose our heads.

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We must, indeed, all hang together or, most assuredly, we shall all hang separately. –Benjamin Franklin

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©2018 H. Hiatt/wildninjablog.com. All articles/posts on this blog are copyrighted original material that may not be reproduced in part or whole in any electronic or printed medium without prior permission from H. Hiatt/wildninjablog.com.

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Pumpkin Smash 10.jpg

Seen on Facebook: WE WANT TO SMASH YOUR PUMPKIN! A muscle-bound, professional pumpkin smasher will obliterate your nasty pumpkin or jack-o-lantern with a gigantic, wooden sledgehammer (really). Or YOU can smash your own*. Yes, it will be messy. Yes, it will feel good. Yes, we’ll have extra pumpkins here for you to smack-around. No, you won’t have to clean up. 

Extra pumpkins on-site for purchase with 100% of those proceeds going to charity. Costumes are encouraged.

While it almost seems cruel to smash pumpkins on November 3rd, just days after they illuminated our Halloween, this was for a good cause. And the madness of it all was irresistible.

Sure enough, The Growler Guys on Lake City Way in Seattle hosted their First Annual Pumpkin Smash. The Growler Guys are located in the pointy building that once was the vibrant yellow Ying’s Chinese restaurant. Somehow TGG managed to preserve the historic aspects of the building while making it look new and inviting.

Upon arrival carnage was in session. Here the owner instructs a man in the fine art of obliterating squash. I don’t have this man’s permission to post his photo so did a little sloppy airbrushing. Please don’t ever ask me to paint a car.

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Angst ahoy!

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Kablam.

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These are not without purpose…

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The owner cuts open a new pumpkin and stuffs it with previous victims.

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An almost-full moon looks on in horror.

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Wait for it…

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About this time I was asking why we hadn’t been issued protective plastic sheeting like at a Gallagher show.

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Sp-lat!

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It was hilarious when a bus stopped at this exact spot and surprised passengers stepped out into the scene of the crime.

There was something oddly therapeutic about it all. And those smashing pumpkins got to put money in a jar for the Red Cross. See you all next year… but hopefully with masks on.

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I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself, than be crowded on a velvet cushion. -Thoreau

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©2017 H. Hiatt/wildninjablog.com. All articles/posts on this blog are copyrighted original material that may not be reproduced in part or whole in any electronic or printed medium without prior permission from H. Hiatt/wildninjablog.com.

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©2017 H. Hiatt/wildninjablog.com. All articles/posts on this blog are copyrighted original material that may not be reproduced in part or whole in any electronic or printed medium without prior permission from H. Hiatt/wildninjablog.com.

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Rubberbands 7-16

At work.

Had recently bought a basket from the dollar store for our rubber bands.

Noticed an unopened package of colorful rubber bands. Mixed them into the bland-colored ones.

Somehow it’s mesmerizing.

Happy Treason Day 7-16

At a Fourth of July parade.

A brigade of Minis drives by.

One had these hilarious signs on his car.

No, it’s not about Brexit. It’s about us fierce rebel Americans deciding we were better off without colonial overlords.

Oh yeah.

Dinosaurs 6-16

Concluding a meeting at a historic house.

There’s a front garden. I wander towards the sound of splashing water.

There are dinosaurs in the fountain.

Shouldn’t all fountains have dinosaurs?

Thank you God for the little things that make life so interesting.

Those little things that bring laughter at unexpected moments.

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©2016 H. Hiatt/wildninjablog.com. All articles/posts on this blog are copyrighted original material that may not be reproduced in part or whole in any electronic or printed medium without prior permission from H. Hiatt/wildninjablog.com.

 

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We knew gas prices were low, but whew… I did a double take and had to circle back to make sure my eyes weren’t deceiving me.

Is regular is 89 cents or 69 9/10, is super 39 or 59, and is diesel 29 or 39? Did someone slide digits from outdated prices over or is this a new form of advertising? (“Oh sorry, the wind must have done that.”)

We also don’t know what happened to the semi-missing three digits. But the smaller sign implies that you must engage in fisticuffs or some sort of competition to win fuel prices that haven’t been seen since the ’60s or ’70s.

Road trip, anyone?

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Finland has produced so many brilliant distance runners because back home it costs $2.50 a gallon for gas. -Esa Tikkannen, 1979

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©2016 H. Hiatt/wildninjablog.com. All articles/posts on this blog are copyrighted original material that may not be reproduced in part or whole in any electronic or printed medium without prior permission from H. Hiatt/wildninjablog.com.

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Every January 21st is Squirrel Appreciation Day. What are you doing for the noble, nimble nut-burying ninjas in your backyard this year? Here are some smashing ideas from the National Wildlife Federation.

And if you don’t appreciate this compilation of squirrel videos, your cat will.

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©2016 H. Hiatt/wildninjablog.com. All articles/posts on this blog are copyrighted original material that may not be reproduced in part or whole in any electronic or printed medium without prior permission from H. Hiatt/wildninjablog.com.

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Seen in an unnamed store in an unnamed location yesterday…

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I love holidays. There’s one to celebrate every day. Today, for example, is Run it Up the Flagpole and See if Anyone Salutes Day. Tomorrow, January 3rd, is Festival of Sleep Day (yes!!) and Fruitcake Toss Day. But this display was just too much.

Each holiday has an approximate place– no Christmas in July, no Valentines in December, no Nightmare Before St. Patrick’s Day. I would be fine with the wearing of costumes to all such events to boost the celebratory cheer as such garb could be relevant to each holiday. I proposed a Christmas party where people would dress up as their favorite Claymation character– Rudolph, King Moonracer, Hermey, Boss Elf, etc.

Christmas is a season to me, not a day, and I have no issue with leaving decorations up for a few more weeks. It takes a lot of work to put them up and they bring an extra sparkle to dreary winter nights. But– aagh, they all seem to run together now, with no buffer between them. Someone already sent me a card with Santa, Dracula, the Easter Bunny, and the whole pop culture pantheon represented. One card does it all! And in the meantime we lose sight of the divine origins and meanings of some of these days, like an all-powerful God coming to earth to give us lasting hope and life.

Retail sector– could we at least get a bit of a breather before you launch into the holidays for the next four to six months? The Christmas season is intense and we need a break before you start dangling plastic trinkets we don’t actually need for the next round. Ooh, look, a glow-in-the-dark leprechaun…

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©2016 H. Hiatt/wildninjablog.com. All articles/posts on this blog are copyrighted original material that may not be reproduced in part or whole in any electronic or printed medium without prior permission from H. Hiatt/wildninjablog.com.

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Metal Man

This fierce man of metal has stood guard on the west side of SR 169 in Maple Valley for years. He guards a picturesque pasture between the Red Dog, the local dive bar, and the Seattle Agility Center.

Normally this burly denizen has a rather robotic-looking, nutsy and boltsy sort of head. He now appears to be sporting a woolly wild man mask with ram’s horns. I did a double-take while driving past the other day because he looked so real.

Whoever welded together this tin man and his trident did a great job posing him. I for one would feel a little wary climbing that fence, as if a real person could be hiding inside the armor, waiting to lurch at trespassers like in those scarecrow prank videos.

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©2015 H. Hiatt/wildninjablog.com. All articles/posts on this blog are copyrighted original material that may not be reproduced in part or whole in any electronic or printed medium without prior permission from H. Hiatt/wildninjablog.com.

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